All good things must come to an end

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
Measure A Year?

In Daylights
In Sunsets
In Midnights
In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches
In Miles
In Laughter
In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life?

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons of Love.
Seasons of Love.

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Journeys To Plan

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure The Life
Of A Woman Or A Man

In Truth That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died

It's Time Now - To Sing Out
Though The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends

Oh you got to you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.

--------------------------
So here I sit at the closing of another year. A year that topped last year and a year above all years I've lived thus far. What a fulfilling ride it has been. The ups, the downs, and the crazy turns along the way. If I could re-live a year, 2008 would be it. I'd replay it over and over until I became absolutely sick of it. But how do you become sick of a year that almost reached perfection? With its downs came its even better ups. One door closed and a window opened. This year has taught me the most I've ever known.

I've learned that sometimes not everyone is as innocent as they seem.
I've learned that boys come and go but friends last forever.
I've learned that sometimes people make decisions on a whim to, in some form, prove themselves to the world.
I've learned that time is precious and what isn't enjoyed today, is gone tomorrow.
I've learned what its like to lose someone and not be able to say goodbye.
I've learned that goodbye isn't always the end.
I've learned that no matter how different we all are, each of us is still human.
I've learned that every culture brings something unique to the world.
I've learned how easily negativity is spread.
I've learned the feeling of truly helping someone selflessly.
I've learned how some people will just never be pleased.
I've learned what it's like to end a chapter of your life and start a new one.
I've learned how scary it is out there.
I've learned that lonlieness is only as lonely as you make it.
I've learned everyone is just looking for a friend.
I've learned that fate has a funny way of working itself out.
I've learned that FINALLY America has seen the light.
I've learned that thankfully a change is coming.
I've learned not to take myself too serious.
I've learned how to make work formal and fun.
Above all, I've learned that life is about the moments.

The moments that take your breath away.

The day you start a new job.
The day you fall for the new guy at work.
The day your best friend loses their mother.
The day you graduate.
The day you say goodbye to your best friends.
The day you make new ones.
The day you bridge the gap between those you care about.
The day you travel the world.
The day you swore you met the man of your dreams.
The day you weren't there to see your sister one more time.
The day you finally saw the family you've missed.
The day you fear change.
The day you conquer that fear.
The day you realize that growing up is taken one step at a time.
The day you help your best friend through a pregnancy.
The day you lose recognition of your grandfather.
The day you'll always remember as a stepstone in history.

2008 will always hold a special meaning in my heart. It was the year of change.

I changed.
The people around me changed.
Even America changed.

2008-
I graduated.
Bought a new car.
Raised $5000 for charity.
Traveled across the world.
Became closer than ever with all my best friends.
Started college.
Hell, made it through my first quarter with a better GPA than high school!
Met David Cook four times :)
Voted for a woman to be president.
Voted for an African American as well.
Then that man won and will forever change history.
And in 2008 I managed to remain happy through all the bullshit.

Christmas sealed the deal for me, it completed my year. The year of tears and cheers! It was only at Christmas that I realized the happiness of it all. Christmas Eve was spent with my grandpa in the nursing home. Christmas Day was spent at my Nana's. I got to speak to my cousin Wendy who lives in FL and we heard from my Aunt who is atm in Arizona.

No matter where you are, family is always in your heart. It's not about how Christmas LOOKS, it's about how Christmas FEELS. It's just too bad that feeling can't be felt year round.

Sometimes fate shows its face in the craziest of times. It throws you a curve and makes you stop and think. Reflect and realize. Sometimes fate is what brings us together and sometimes it's fate that tears us apart.

2009 holds no promises like 2008 did. I was ready for 2008, I knew what to expect. I'm not ready for 2009 and I don't know what to expect. Will it be better than 2008? Will dreams come true?

Sometimes...you just know.
-----------------------------------

My year in pictures. Most recent to oldest:

Life ain't always beautiful

It has been a while, no? Yes.

Thanksgiving was eventful...

I saw 4 Christmases Black Friday which was hysterical. I love love love Vince Vaughn.

1 week from today is the David Cook show in Columbus. I'm on the edge of my seat with excitement.

We moved offices at work and I am incredibly in love with the new office. IT'S PERFECTION.

Um, went shopping and to Starbucks with Ash and Bethie tonight...twas a much needed intervention. And here's where we get to the depressing part. I told you all in the very beginning that I'd be honest with you and here it comes, head on. Miss Happy Go Lucky isn't so much these days.

My grandpa came thisclose [if not closer] to dieing on Thanksgiving. Now he's....

...well now we're moving foward and taking each day in strides. They pretty much told us they found traces of alzheimers...

I think we already knew that, just hearing it from a medical perspective kind of slapped us in the face.

And they bascially told my grandma she's never going to be able to take him home again. They've been married for 53 years and now he can't go back home.

We all realized that as well, but once again we got slapped in the face with honesty.

I don't know why I keep saying "they basically told us" "they pretty much said"

No in all actuality...they told us, they said it. That's just the denial slowly creeping out.

Grandpa today is not grandpa 2 years ago...or even 1 year ago for that matter. One of the strongest men I knew has now become the weakest. My pappy, grandpa, and dad are the only men in my life I consider amongst the strongest.

It's hard to watch a man who never gave up on ANYTHING...giving up on life. I was 3 years old when he promised me he'd live to be 100. My nana used to tease back and say she'd live to be 101...

Well my grandpa is 79 and will be 80 next September. If he goes now he'll owe me 20 years.

Selfish...I'm being selfish. This is what he needs. He just needs to go to the nursing home and just be. Let it be, right? God knows what he's doing and I trust that. I have faith in knowing that.

It's just going to get harder...and harder...and harder with each passing day. I'm losing hope with the only man who has ever hoped the best life has to offer for me.

These are David's lyrics about his brother battling a brain tumor, but every time I hear it I think of my grandpa, so I'm going to break down the song so you see how it relates.

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you’ll never see me cry
[I only remember my grandpa crying a handful of times my entire life but here recently it seems it's all he does]
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won’t go away today
[He promised me 100 years damn it]

Will you think that you’re all alone
When no one’s there to hold your hand?
[You're never alone grandpa, we're always in your heart]
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I’m permanent
[I'm always going to be your only granddaughter, nothing can change that]

I know he’s living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God, is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say, it’s all touch and go, I wish I could make it go away
[God please make it go away...at least make it easier]

But still you say
Will you think that you’re all alone when no one’s there to hold your hand?
[I can see in your eyes that you feel like we've given up, but just know that we haven't]
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I’m permanent
I’m permanent
[We're permanent...we're your family]

Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you’ll never see me cry
[Please don't cry anymore grandpa, this is how it's meant to be]

I love you, forever and always:

Caution: Handle with care

You say you got to go and find yourself, you say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away, I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I will wait for you

So I let you go I set you free, and when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time I won't go anywhere, I picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them, I'll be here for you

I'll let you go, I'll set your free and when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

I hope you find everything that you need, I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there, I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you, it's something you have to do
-----

Good week/bad week haha.

Bad week because: I caught the flu :( actually called in sick at work. First time in 11 months! During class Tuesday morning I got extremely sick to my stomach and broke out in a sweat. Then I went to the mall with Ash later that night and barely got through it haha. I was thisclose to passing out in Macy's.


I slept alllllllllllllllll day Wednesday. Ok, not all day since I watched Sister Sister, Sabrina, and Full House lmao! Yeahhhhh. Grandma brought me over some sick goodies since I'm a big baby when I'm sick.

Today I had to got to school for ONE class! I had a damn math test and since Tuesday is the end of Fall Qtr I would have no time to make it up, therefore, I sucked it up and went in. Ray was like, "thanks for bringing in your germs, too!" haha whatever, I'm not failing. After class I went to grandma's :) again, with the big baby thing ;)

Butttttt I work tomorrow and Saturday so I have to suck my lip back in, grin, and bare it. OSU/MICHIGAN GAME IS SATURDAY!!!!!!! The game of all games <333 go Bucks!!!

So good week because: I BOUGHT [2] COPIES OF DAVID'S NEW ALBUM!!!! It's sensational.

Bar-ba-sol= my new favorite rock song, holy sex on a stick.
Heroes= about his family, has my heart! Love that the whole band sings on the chorus
Declaration= lovelovelove this song
Come Back To Me= his voice is to die for on this song
Kiss on the Neck= about had me on my knees begging HAHA, yummy!
Permanent= my favorite. so very personal and I've cried every time I've listened to it
I love all the others too but as of right now, those are standing out [aka stuck in my head]

Also, I bought a ticket to see him perform at the Jingle Ball in Columbus on December 11!!! It's general admission/floor only so I'm hoping if I go early enough, I'll get front row :) I'm freaking stoked to see him again. That makes 4 times in 6 months...wow.

That's about all I can think of atm....GO BUCKEYES!!!!! But I have no doubts...we've won, what? The past SIX years? kthanks.

O-H.........







I-O!

I love you more than I can ever promise

I’d like you to see
The way you’re changing me
I walk for miles
With you on my mind
It’s easy to see
How lovely you’ve come to be
You bloom with a smile
That lights up your eyes
‘Cause I swear that you don’t know it
What you do...
-----
I adore those lyrics. One person comes to mind every time I read them. The lyrics come from a guy named Daniel Ghattas, he added me on myspace and his music is great. He sent me a message about how he admires David Cook and it just simply made my day.

But that was like 2 weeks ago, wanna know what made my day today? Well at work Madonna and I had this little joke going and so I left her a little something on the computer last night for her to find this morning when she came in to work and well, she repaid me :)

I'm closing everything up tonight and I go to close the internet and it says "Do you want to close all tabs?" and I'm thinking, "all tabs? The only thing open was our work email?!" So I click cancel and when I go up to the tabs it's opened on David Cook's website. I immediately text Madonna and I'm like, "Excuse me ma'am, were you on David Cook's website? You have your own David, this one's mine" and she texts me back and goes, "I thought you'd like the countdown to his new CD coming out!"

Totally MADE.MY.DAY. :) I love my job. I know I say it all the time but I freaking mean it. I think the reason I like work so much is because I don't take it too serious. I take the job tasks seriously but....I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't take MYSELF that serious. I'm always joking and making remarks to make people laugh and smile. Hell, I don't even take school that serious. It's like for me, I do the work because I'm SUPPOSED to and when I receive good grades or positive feedback from my boss it justifys it all. I'm not saying that I think life is one big joke, because it certainly is not, I just feel like laughing is medicine. And if I can make people do that then my days work is done. The only thing I take serious is making others happy :)

Work is work and I love it. School is school and I love it. Life is life and I love it. But making others happy? I LIVE FOR IT.

My mom told me I need to do something different with my hair again, haha. I think I'm going to get a new cut and maybe some color. I have this big huge thing I want to do with my hair but I want to wait until spring. I adore my long hair and want to keep it through the winter. I guess that just gave away part of my hair plans ;) but I'm thinking of maybe some bangs or something and maybe dye it black or something crazy haha. Just a little funkyness to get me through the winter...purple highlights would be neat *ponders*

Once again with not taking myself too serious. Purple hair, really? Yes...really haha, don't doubt me, it only makes me work harder.

I have another paper to write. This will make 3 just this week. Does somebody smell finals coming? LOL. I have 2 for my hospitality class [one was easy peezy] I did an essay for English that I ended up hating. Idk how many times I used the backspace on that one. And this one is all about my career future. Should be pretty easy but this one is the longest out of them all. 4-6 pages I believe?

Oh and because I want to brag and because I know some of my family reads this and I haven't told them, on my first essay for English I turned in she responded with "You are one of the strongest writers in my class. Very well written." And then on this last essay she said, "Rachel, I believe you are the best writer out of all 3 of my online classes."

YAYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm gonna be a writer grandma :) my grandma thinks I should be an author and a public speaker. I've strongly considered both so don't hold your breath too long grandma, you might just get to see that happen!

So future plans as of now?
-Be an empowering public speaker [I'll pick a subject later]
-Write a book
-Travel the world
-Live happily ever after with my prince charming

THE END. xoxo<33

They look like their mama *nods*



SERIOUSLY!

The vixen in me becomes an angel for you

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family.
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
-----

Wanted to clarify something real quick since I received an email about it :) Barack's middle name IS actually Steve. He was doing a radio interview a few months back and he said, "I don't understand why my name last name is always referenced with Osama. People would be surprised to learn my middle name is Steve, I'm sure my parents didn't think I'd ever run for president when they named me!"

I love him, he's hilarious. I cried like a big old baby during his speech. All the news casters are calling it one of the best presidential speeches to date. I'm telling you, when the man showed up to an event in jeans and a fleece then danced with Ellen on her show, that's when I knew he would be it. He's a real American, just like you and I. A husband and father with bigger dreams than most of us. And to clarify for all the misunderstood, he was BORN IN THE USA. Obviously, or he couldn't be president. So quit calling him MUSLIM. He is half white/half black, he was born in Utah and raised in Hawaii. Get your facts straight before you start repeating what you've heard. All of these negative comments are coming from what you've heard from one-sided newscasters or your parents. You did not receive ANY of those "claims" from his own mouth. If you don't like the results then move to Canada. You should be proud of your country for FINALLY accomplishing what it has. This never wouldn't have even been remotely possible in the 60's...look how far we've come. There's no denying this is what was meant to happen. He won with over 300 electoral votes by 10pm, while the other had 162 [if I remember that number right]. He turned over Ohio [republican] he turned over Florida [republican] and he turned over Indiana. Quick fact: INDIANA HASN'T NOMINATED A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT SINCE THE 1960's. Thank you...those are facts that I took time to learn, not something I heard from the news, from my parents or any one else. They came from HIS mouth and from there I formed my opinions.

Very pleased with the turn out of voters, however. You should NEVER take the right to vote for granted. Do you realize how many men and women, white and black, young and old DIED for you and I to have that right? People were murdered, hung, and fought in wars for us to be able to do such a simple act as punching a button or writing down a name. It's one of the only rights we freely still possess and to think that at one point in time only rich white men could vote. Once again, look how far we've come! AMEN.

On to other things. I was driving home from work, listening to the radio and they were having people call in and tell them why they thought the whole Britney/Christina thing has always been such a big deal. I absolutely cheered when this girl called in with her response. She goes, "the difference is that Britney has skill and Christina has talent. Skill is something you can acquire with years of experience but you are born with talent. Britney is an act and Christina is a musician." The DJ then asked about their careers in the future and she goes, "people aren't going to want to see a half naked 45 year old Britney dancing around on the stage but they will want to see Christina in a beautiful gown singing at the Grammy's." The DJ said, "you've just summed up what I've been trying to say for years." Then he proceeded to play Christina. I almost peed I was so excited. Perfect perfect conclusion :)

Haha...I just opened my browser and it says, "15 year old mogul. More talented than Paris"
...well that doesn't take much effort. LMFAO. Shit, what a dumb thing to say. Is there another Paris that actually has talent that maybe they were referencing? Because it surely wasn't Paris Hilton. She is lack thereof, big time.

On top of everything, I just have completely fallen head over heels. If David Cook gets any better at life I don't know what I'll do. He's the one of all ones. I don't ever feel the need to explain why I feel the way I do. Some feelings are just...indescribable. That's a good enough word ;) I just love him more than anyone realizes, and that's all that ever has and ever will matter. You don't need any sort of confirmation further than that.

I am definitely dreading work tomorrow....68 patients and a meeting over adjusting my hours. HOLY F. *cries* Oh well, I'm off school till next Thursday so I won't even begin complaining. Plus, having 3 A's and a B are no reasons to complain! YAY FOR COLLEGE!

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Believe in the change

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEXT AND FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT MR.BARACK STEVE OBAMA.

And I will proudly say that my vote was counted and like AI, I helped choose the WINNER!!!!!

I'm sooo going to cry when he gives his speech. I'm very anxious for it to come on [please hurry, my leg is bouncing like crazy!] Its incredibly depressing that his grandma couldn't celebrate this happy moment with him :'(

Anyhows...life is goooooood. I totally wanted to blog about something yesterday and now I forget what it is :( no new changes really. I signed up for my classes for Winter Qtr.

I think now that I know Obama won, I've lost all coherent thought. Plus I haven't eaten since 2pm this afternoon...and its almost midnight :-O

I'll blog whenever. I have some lyrics I wanna post of this guy's song. He added me on myspace and is so awesome possum. His one song is like loveeeeeeee, I'm totally gonna download it ;)

PEACE, LOVE, HAPPINESS, AND THE CHANGE WE DESERVE [and have waited 8 painful years for]

January 20 will mark the end of an error! AMEN

I'm right right, and you're wrong left

Has our conscience shown? Has the sweet breeze blown? Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity, sitting alone in New York City and I don't know why.

Are we listening, to hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see, that love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one.

So I walk up on high and I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself as the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know. It's the world I know.

-----
So yay for Halloween!!!! It's my 3rd favorite holiday. 1=my bday 2=Christmas [as if you couldnt assume]

Yesterday we all dressed up at work. Tami was a pirate, Madonna was a witch, and I was a cowgirl since my actual costume isn't work appropriate *gasps* we all went out to lunch and got some typical stares haha, but we weren't the only ones dressed up which was even funnier! After lunch Tami and I went to Caribou and had coffee, it was so yum, practically as good if not better than Starbucks *gasps again*

Last night after work [and I after I changed haha] I went out to dinner with Akemi. She's one of my new bffs. Her and Mary Alice are 2 of the coolest chicks I've meet in college. I love Delequan too, he's awesome possum and so friggen smart! Anywho, we went to Chipotle, haha yummy. Then we walked around Wal-Mart because there was nothing else to do. I love that girl, she really opened up to me last night. Last week she got me a birthday present and wrote me the nicest card EVAR, for someone I just met, she's already affected me. Anyhow, she's from Tawaiian and has only lived in the US for 3 years. She's the only one living here from her family. I can't imagine what that must feel like, to be in a new country all by yourself. I'm going to show her around though! We have plans to go to NYC and LA since she really wants to go to both. I think she wanted to go to Chicago too, or some other town that I forget.

Mary Alice is hilarious. All we do is draw funny cartoons and tell jokes. She's super smart too so it's nice to have an intelluctual conversation with her. Delequan is just as smart. He actually appreciates some of the same things I do, which surprised me, so him and I have great conversations as well!

There's just so many awesome people in my classes. I love Crystal, Tammy, Early, Clint, Heather, Christa, Laura, and oh my professors as well! :) Derek and Tonya are the best teachers everrrrrrr and I can't wait to have classes with them again.

Trick or treat waas great, so many cute kids! Tonight is going to be amazing. Going to a costume party/contest with Kayla, Akemi, Michael, and maybe Mary Alice. I CAN'T WAIT TO DRESS UP AND DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!!!!!!! I love this weekend :)

I think that's all for now...I should come baring pictures tomorrow or Monday, depending. GOOD LUCK COOKIE BABY ON SNL! REMEMBER TO TIE YOUR SHOES! :)

David Cook on performing- "I’m going to make sure my shoelaces are tied so I don’t trip and fall on the floor! I'm really nervous."

Give me something worth living for:

MY FAVORITE EVER, HOLY SEX:

Happy Halloween!

Somewhere along the line, I must've gone off track with you.
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

--

Life has been fan-freaking-tabulous since last time. We left off on a Tuesday...I don't think anything major happened until that weekend. Friday night I chaperoned a sleepover at Natalie's church. We went and saw High School Musical 3...yeah yeah, they were all like 16 and under so what are you gonna do?! Haha, the movie was oober cheesy as I expected but the way they ended it was perfect, and actually gave me chills because it just worked and was such a smart move on the director's part. We stayed up all night at the church haha. We were blaring the music, playing games, eating spoonfuls of cinnamon, and put on a goofy play :) twas a lot of fun. The last time I looked at the clock it was 452am and Natalie woke me up at 714am...oh myyyyyyy. I went home and slept all day only to go back out that night and do it all over. Me and my girls went to dinner at Bar Louie down at Newport on the Levy, it was so pretty and the food waaas delish. Then we went to Metropolis. Let's talk about classy guys *rolls eyes* or let's not and say we did...gross gross gross. Next time I'm taking a guy with me so I won't have to worry :) then we went back to the hotel and as the saying goes "the rest is history" :-P

This week has been just great! School and work are still going awesome. I cannot wait until we move into our new building at work, it's gonna look so purdy!!! So Tuesday night my nana had her neice from England staying with her and we all went out to dinner. She is the coolest person ever. She's been to Australia, South Africa, Asia, and many places in between. She's awesome possum in my book. She's living in a 5 bedroom house by herself and she invited me to come stay with her. She was serious too, she wants me to come next summer for at least 2 weeks. She's going to show me all the ins and outs of England! She goes, "you come up with an itenerary and I'll make it happen." I love her! It most likely won't be next summer, but now that I have a definite place to stay, I'll be going!!

Last night grandma and I went out to dinner and then shopping. I got lots of cute stuffs! YAY, I love fall/winter! I love when grandma and I have "girls night out." She has coupons for Olive Garden so she wants to do that next. She was like "we'll do the dinner part again but not the shopping part." Hahaha, oops.

Plans for the weekend? BUSY. AGAIN. Just the way I like it. Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with Akemi. Saturday I'm going to the club for their costume party with Mary Alice, Kayla, and Michael. Then Sunday is dinner and movie with Olivia :)

I'm battling a cold/the flu now so hopefully I can keep my immune system energized this weekend and just go go go!

Life's good man...hope yours is too, love you!

Winston was an old woman for Halloween :) he LOVED his costume, let me tell ya:


Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee with the best and most reliable friends EVER:

I'm back like I forgot something

If I were a boy, even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning, and throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted and I’d never get confronted for it
Cause they’d stick up for me.

If I were a boy I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken so they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful waitin’ for me to come home

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you, you thought wrong

But you’re just a boy, you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed, but you’re just a boy...
___________________________________________

Damn it I love that song! Not too much to report on my end I don't suppose. Last week was the week of best friends though it seems! Poor Liv broke her knee :( so I went over to her place and chilled for a while. I think Beth and I went to Starbucks like 3 times last week, and that might just be a record! Ooh and we went shoe shopping which is always a good time ;) Angela and Kayla were both home for the weekend so I got to see them! I got to see Miss KMW on my birthday! Her and Brad bought me Starbucks, it was awesome possum.

*thinks* holy crap, I had Starbucks 4-5 times last week...wow, addict much? Haha.

School is going incredible! I got a B+ on my last math test, an A+ on my last Hospitality test, a B+ on my last Geography test, and today my English professor emailed me and I got a 99% on my last essay. She goes, "That was a GREAT essay. One of the best in the class." I almost peed on the floor lmao, I am so happy with school FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. I mean, I never cared to do my homework in jr high and h/s and I was always slacking off and skipping school, but now I do ALL my homework in a timely fashion, I'm acing my tests, and I haven't missed a day! Such a huge difference from the past.

Oh good news! MY SISTER IS COMING HOME!!!! Not permanently, but for a week after Christmas!!! The 27th is what she's guessing. Aww I can't wait. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone as much as I miss her.

This weekend...it's on like Donkey Kong haha. Friday and Saturday are going to be the bestest evaarrrrr! YAY!

So 2 weeks from today we vote for the next pres! I am stokedddddd. This could be one of the most important elections in decades, one to go down in the history books. Everyone is saying it's going to be tight until the end, but personally I'd love to see Obama win by a LANDSLIDE *crosses fingers* Obama 08!! YAY! I seriously love the guy more everytime I hear him talk. He straight up knows what he's talking about...let's just hope whoever gets it holds up their end. Promises promises!

My birthday went fantabulous. I guess I should've said that in the beginning haha, oh well, either way it did! I am so blessed to be surrounded by the people I am, I love each and every one of you and want to say thanks for making my day special :) y'all are the bestest!

That's all for now...figured I should update this. Poor blog has been neglected :( until next time!

Yay for fedoras! I just bought one last week for my birthday weekend :)


[[27days]]

I'll cool yo ass off if ya think ya hot shit

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I have the greatest friends like evar. Gemma wished me a Happy Birthday in England time FIRST! Beth texted me and left me a comment on Facebook at midnight. 2 of my cousins left me comments on Myspace at midnight. Plus I got more texts only a short time after, from more of my favorite people! Today I go in to my Geography class and there is a box and a card sitting on my desk [?] So I open the card and it says "I hope you have an amazing birthday, Love Tonya"

THAT'S MY PROFESSOR. I open the box up, right? AND SHE BOUGHT ME A HUGE CUPCAKE. I almost cried, that was like super nice. Then then then, this woman in my class found out that today's my bday [hers was Monday] and she baked me 5 cookies and brought them in for me. She owns her own bakery and I loved her toffee cookies, so she made me some special for my bday. I COULD'VE CRIED. It amazes me when people are just nice to be nice. It's such an incredible feeling to be cared for and remembered!

I bought my birthday dress! It's sooooo cute. I bought another pair of black leggings to go with. It's got cheetah print on it, and also pink and black. You'll just have to see pics. And Beth and I went shopping tonight and got shoes. I'm so excited for my night out with my friends. It's gonna be hella crazy and fun fun fun :)

Life has been going pretty fab recently. I'm getting closer with people at school and connecting on a whole new level with some people I just met like 6 weeks ago. I'm loving school. Work is....work, but the people I work with are awesome [still]. It's now my birthday, Ohio time, and this weekend and next weekend is jam packed with good times.

Idk what else to say. I'm sure there was more that I could've said the other day BUT now all that's on my mind is my birthday. Even though I'm 19...that's an odd number and I actually don't like odd numbers haha but let's hope the day itself is anything less than odd.

Oh another thing that's amazing about this birthday? I've spent the past 2 nights with my bff Beth. I spent a quick second with my bff Olivia 2 nights ago. And 2 of my bffs are home from college this weekend. It doesn't get much better...too bad I'm only missing a couple of people :( that's life though, eh?

Happy happy happy birthday to me, Chris Kirkpatrick, and everyone else who shares this wonderful day!!!

Loves to all.




All I want for my birthday...Christmas...birthday 09...Christmas 09...haha:


O.M.F.G. *passes out* I forgot to breathe, sorry...

If I could make a man he'd look a lot like you

She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough, I'm a little bit rusty,
And I think my head is caving in.
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved, by a hand that's touched me,
Well I feel like something's gonna give.
And I'm a little bit angry, well this ain't over, no not here,
Not while I still need you around.
You don't owe me, we might change.
Yeah we just might feel good.

She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me, like I'm a little untrusting
When I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya.
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me, you couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
'Cause it's a little bit dirty

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all
___________________________________________

So weirddddddd, I was searching for my cousin Wendy on myspace and facebook and had no luck finding her. AN HOUR LATER SHE REQUESTED ME AS A FRIEND ON FACEBOOK. I about peed all over the floor, that's soooo creepy! It was literally like an hour or less laterrrrr. DAMN!

I love love love discovering songs that you remember from your childhood :) it's the greatest LOL. For instance I JUST downloaded Sugar Ray's Fly, as one of the few that I've remembered lately. That used to be mine and my dad's song when I was younger <33

So I was talking to someone today about my first music video experiences. The very first music video I EVER remember seeing was Achy Breaky Heart hahahaha. The 2nd? REM's Losing My Religion, it was on when I watched VH1 for the very first time and I thought it was the weirdest vid ever.

I remember walking to school when I was in 1st grade and I would purposely jump on the sidewalk to see if it'd light up...like in Billie Jean

I remember hating Garth Brooks' Thunder Rolls video because the guy in it SCARED me! LMAO, I'm serious, he scared me! Wtf?

I also remember his Standing Outside the Fire video and I cried because the little boy in the video makes me sad.

The first time I ever watched the Thriller video, I had nightmares that night [go ahead and laugh]

I thought that Hanson's Mmmbop video was rediculous, but I loved it either way.

Reminds me: I used to watch Edward Scissorhands when I was little every halloween, it wasn't until I was 12 that I discovered the true meaning of the story. And then I cried.

I was at one point scared shitless of Beetlejuice and I remember when I watched it at 14, I laughed hysterically. I still can't believe that movie used to scare me.

Childhood is just a funny thing...I miss it, that's for sure.

So the rest of the month is booked for me! I'm going to Natalie's birthday bash this Saturday at Dave and Busters; I LOVE THAT PLACE. Then next weekend is my birthday so I'm doing dinner with the family and my daddy got opening game tickets to a local hockey game [since I haven't been to a hockey game in 3 yrs and wanted to go really bad!] Then the night of the 24th is the youth group sleepover at Natalie's church. We're taking the girls to see HSM3 lmao, loves it. THEN THEN THEN!!!!! The 25th is my big birthday bash! I have big plans for me and the small group of friends that I invited. I hope I didn't forget anyone *ponders* if I did, please email me some way some how and I'll gladly have you celebrate with me!

Oh fuck me, the weekend after that is Halloween. I think Mary Alice wants to dress up in our costumes and go to The Masque, hahahaha. We'll see ;)

Speaking of which, since it's close enough now, I'll reveal my costume to you :) I'm going as a good girl gone bad. Yes, insipred by Rihanna's album title haha. My grandma is actually making the costume. I'm not giving away any details, but I'm OOBER excited to see how this turns out :) I love creative costumes. Typical costumes are boring anyway! Halloween is one of my favorite holidays so I always make it a point to go all out.

I fucking love October, who's with me? This month rocks my socks off, loves it!

Thanks for reading, xoxo*

Save us from the times of trial, and deliver us from evil.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were only one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me, Lord, if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have been only one set of footprints in the sand.
Why when I have needed you the most you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you."

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
___________________________________

I think by now you know where this blog is headed. So I'm not quite sure how I should approach the subject. How do you address something so meaningful in your life? Anyway, I'll try my best to put myself out there w/o forcing anything on anybody. I do, however, want to be clear that I am not ashamed to expose this information. You may not agree, but there is NOTHING wrong with voicing the views of my life. If you are offended, then there will be no reason for you to read on or even comment. This is not embarrassment, these confessions are honor, dignity, wisdom, and strength.

Onward.

This girl that I went to the Idols tour with, invited me to an event with her church tonight. The guys we went and saw were called "Team Xtreme." They are these huge body building guys that break through cement blocks and flip cars over and yadda yadda. The difference is, each of them have their own story on how God has changed their life. It was phenomenal to see these 300 pound guys talking about their faith.

They had a singer who made a point that I truly believe. He was talking about all the negative in the world right now. He said that the world isn't peaceful because we have pushed God aside. He said our country used to trust in God [hence: in God we trust] and now we are fighting God and trying to push him away. In return we are getting what we asked for. If we act in a way that we don't 'need' God in our lives, then God will step back until we ask him to come back into our lives. The devil's work is chaos, and that's what the world is today. If more people ask God to come back into their lives, the more peace we can spread; the more love the world would see instead of so much hate.

It's very true. America doesn't seem to trust in God anymore. We've lost our faith in him so he lost his faith in us. Only when we tell God we need him, will he save us.

The truth is plain and simple: when Adam and Eve betrayed God's trust he built a wall between him and humans. He sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to walk among them and to teach them the word of God. When the people rebelled against Jesus he offered his body to them to prove himself to us. He offered his legs for our sins when he walked all those miles carrying that cross on his back. He offered his back for our sins when they hit him 39 times. He offered his hands and feet for our sins to be nailed to that cross. And the devil laughed at him when he died and was buried. Jesus proved himself to us when he awoke from the dead 3 days later. He paid the ultimate price for us. And what have we done for him besides preach against him and protest against his word and sue people for posting things religious? Freedom of religion, but you can't be religious.

At the end of the program they say a prayer and after the prayer they ask everyone who wants to give their heart to God to raise their hands. I swear to you I didn't even THINK about it, my hand just raised. It was like a greater force had raised it for me. The guy was like, "for everyone with their hand raised please join us in front of the stage." They went through this whole thing about giving your heart to God and letting him lead your life. Completely giving God control of your life and you stepping away and letting destiny take over.

As many of you know I'm big on fate and destiny and everything happening for a reason. So I did.

Tonight I re-dedicated myself to God. Tonight I was saved.

It's hard to put into words the feeling I received tonight. I know there's plenty of people out there who don't believe in what I do. I know there are skeptics that would say, "you made yourself feel that way." But I can sit here and tell you right now that at that very moment, in front of that stage tonight, with my head bowed and my eyes closed, I felt God. I felt close to him. I felt his hand on my shoulder, telling me it was ok to let go of my life and that he will take care of me. I felt peaceful. I promise you. I can't make this up, I can't describe the feeling, and I'm not saying that everyone should go through what I did, but I AM saying that I felt the prescence of God in my life tonight.

I let go of my heart and soul. I let go of my controlling thoughts. My life now rests in God's hands and I know that with him, I am safe. My destiny will play out the way it's meant to be and I am no longer forcing fate. The guy tonight said, "now that you've dedicated yourself to God, let it be known that he will put the person in your life that you'll marry, he will put you in the right path for your career, God is in control and he will do what is best for you." I believe that 100%. I've always said that my husband, career, children, and life is pre-determined by God.

Tonight I let go off all my sins, all my regrets, all my stress, and all of my burdens. I gave my heart to God and I trust that he will lead me in the right path. He knows what is best for me and I am no longer in control. I've given the keys to God and now I will enjoy the ride. I will live and learn. I will live in a positive way. I will love all of his children and I will help them every chance I get. I will fulfill God's work because I know that he will take my hand and lead me down the paths he knows I can handle.

Tonight I was saved.

I don't expect any comments on this one because I know this is a hard topic for most. I just needed to type this for myself. I love you and God bless*

What the world needs now is love sweet love

I have faltered I have stumbled, I have found my feet again
I've been angry I've been shaken, found a new place to begin
My persistence to make a difference, has led me safe into your hands
In this life

You give me love, you give me light
Show me everything that's been happening
I've opened up my eyes, following
Three steps fight an honest fight
Two hearts that can start a fire
One love is all I need
In this life

I was put here for a reason, I was born into this world
And I'm living I'm believing, I was meant to be your girl
In this life.
___________________________________

Just finished watching The Notebook *wipes tears away* damn that movie gets me everytime. It's by far the greatest love story of all time. Nickolas Sparks wrote the perfect love story. What isn't perfect about it? They fell in love as teenagers, they were eachother's firsts, they lost touch for 7 years, found eachother, fell back in love, got married, had children, then died in eachother's arms. You tell me how that's NOT the perfect love story. *sighs* oh my my my. I've had plenty of late night conversations with Kayla about soul mates and the movies and how it all relates to real life. And now, I've come to a conclusion.

I believe that kind of love DOES exist. It does. I refuse to believe otherwise. Call me a hopeless romantic or naive. However, I 100% believe in soul mates. The movie What Dreams May Come is another tear jerker. Oh I love that movie! Soul mates do exist. True love is real. I AM in love with love, but that doesn't make me blind. I've told plenty of guys that I've loved them but when I truly sit and think about love, I question those feelings. They say if you've ever questioned it, then it wasn't real. I don't believe that I lied to those people, I just believe that at one point in time I loved who they were, but I wasn't in love with them.

Besides, I'm young, never once did I believe I'd find my soul mate in high school. I may be a dreamer but I'm still realistic. Everything happens for a reason...I know that much. And I also know that dreams do come true. You get out of life what you put in it. If I give honest love to all those I come in contact with and if I take everything and do everything with love, then I know true love will find me.

I'm starting to think I sound rediculous. It's ok though because I don't necessarily expect you to understand or even agree. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions.

I believe that the kind of love portrayed in movies like The Notebook DOES in fact, still exist. True love, soul mates, whatever you call it, is real. And when that person comes along you just know. When you can't picture your life with anyone but that person. When you imagine your wedding and that person is the one at the end of the aisle. When you imagine having children and that person is the one there holding your hand. When you kiss that person and you feel it in your soul and as soon as your lips part, your heart stops beating. The permanent butterflies. That someone you tell everything to...that's when you know.

True love. Soul mates. Happy ever after.

My favorite quotes from the movie:

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."

I LOVE you all :)






My favorite Boy Meets World quote: