Looking at me now you might not know it

I've had my moments, days in the sun, moments I was second to none, moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do. Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge, when a young man almost ended it, I was right there, wasn't scared a bit, and I helped to pull him through. Lookin' at me now you might not know it. Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it, but I've had my moments.

_____________________________________________
So what have I been into? Try a whole lot of nothings.

Hung out with some friends here and there...typical. Worked here and there....typical.

And I really don't know why I'm blogging cuz I have NOTHING to say.

Baseball game got rained out. BUMMER. My first baseball game of the season and it only lasted a half hour hahahaha. DUMB.

So it can't almost be the 4th of July? HOLY SHIT. But yeah...I'm partying with my sister on the 3rd because they have this huge rooftop party in Columbus and then they set off fireworks and stuff, oh goodness, it was awesome last year so this year will be the same I'm sure! Then idk what we're doing on the actual 4th? We'll see ......

25 days til my trip. As in, EUROPE. *squeals* It literally snuck up on me. Can we slow the clock down PLEASE?

August is going to be good too :) OMG YAY.

And I won't jinx it just yet, but I might be having the greatest New Years of my life. It'd be a perfect way to end a perfect year [thus far].

That's all? Besides the fact that David Cook is the most amazingly beautiful man on the inside and out. I'm just really proud of him and so ecstatic to see what the future brings. When NSYNC started, I was youngggggg so I didn't really get to watch Justin's beginning unfold until later. But with David, I get to follow his career from the very beginning! I'll be the greatest fan of your life...

:) I'm done. Made myself look like a fool, so thats all haha

love you, thanks for reading*

Untitled

Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain, life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same. And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye? It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry. Come let me hold you, and I will try, how can I help you to say goodbye?

This is going to be a super short blog.

We had to put down our oldest dog, Cecee today. She was 10 and her kidney's were severely failing. There's nothing that could've been done today and nothing could've been done 4 months ago. When it happens with animals, there's nothing you can do. If she would've been human she would've been on dyalisis and waiting for a kidney transplant. My mom and grandma made a joint decision to take her out of her misery. Last night she was running around like normal, but this morning she could barely even walk. I was mainly devastated because my dad is out of town and he couldn't be here to say goodbye. I didn't get to say goodbye either because the decision was made on a whim.

*sigh*
*tear*

Our first yorkie. The only one trained. The sweetest. My ChaChi....

*tear*

I love you Cecee and miss your cute lil gray face already.

Ain't it funny?

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me. It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be. But there are facts in our lives we can never change, just tell me that you understand and feel the same. This perfect romance that I've created in my mind, I'd live a thousand lives, each one with you right by my side. But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance and so it seems like we'll never have the chance.

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny, and you can't move on even though you try, ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel? Oh, I wish this could be real. Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, and you don't wanna face what's wrong or right, ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart?

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be, I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me. Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain and I don't think that I could face it all again. I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about. A deeper love I've found in you and I no longer doubt.You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made, and now I feel that I don't have to be afraid.

I locked away my heart but you just set it free. Emotions I felt held me back from what my life should be. I pushed you far away, and yet you stayed with me. I guess this means that you and me were meant to be?

So much for this being an everyday blog haha since I've failed numerous times on daily updating.
I have not done anything extraordinary so far this week. Kayla Michelle and I saw Get Smart on Sunday. It stormed like a bitch that night, just thought I'd throw that out there. Go see that movie. At first, I thought it was going to suck, but it didn't.

And while we're on the subject, I just read a poll in People magazine where they asked the readers who they thought was funnier, Steve Carell or Mike Myers and idk the EXACT number but it was like 91% said Steve. OUCHHHH.

Get Smart is #1 and Love Guru is #4, I just checked. OUCHHHH again. They blew LG out of the water and its not even a good movie. Sheesh, bad advertising :( Thank God Justin is the only funny part.

Moving on.

So Ash and I were talking about tripping today. Please agree with the honesty of this. Ok, so when people trip, is it just us or do they automatically do like a little jog to cover up the fact that they tripped? I've done it. She's done it. You've probably done it. You trip over something and you just do a little jog. It's like, "I think I'll just starting running now." Then you stop about 20 steps later..."Yeah that's enough running, just needed to speed up my heart rate."

LMAO. Is that not so damn true? Instead of laughing at ourselves and our carelessness, we instead try to mask our goofy mistake that in the end only makes it more obvious that in fact we DID trip.

I love life and its natural humor :)

Tomorrow is going to be excitinggggggg!!! Me, madre, and Kayla Michelle are going to a Dragons game! First one this season, so I'm pretty stoked! I love baseball games. Well, ok...I love Dragons games because they're family friendly and Dippin Dots have to be the greatest thing invented next to Justin Timberlake and David Cook.

Speaking of boys. How can one be so excited to start something with one boy but yet so royally confused and pissed with ending things with another boy? He knows all the wrong things to say to push my buttons. Sometimes I think its cute because that's his sole purpose, is to be funny and cute, but then other times I want to tell him to fuck off...GEEZE. It just makes me mad how much he acts like he cares but won't let it go any further than that? He asks about me NUMEROUS times when I'm not there, he flirts and agravates me ALL day, and then if I walk by and don't speak to him he'll yell, "Hey Whats up?" just so I'll talk to him. But does he want a relationship? NOPE. Mr Hard To Get. Its so frustrating. Even more frustrating? I'm so frustrated that I just literally up and moved on but yet he STILL thinks I want him. I've tried to make it clear w/o bluntly saying it, but he just doesn't get it. He says all the things he thinks I want to hear and he totally knows what he does. Sometimes, I fall for the charm, sometimes I don't.

But things with the other guy? 3rd time, or shall I say summer, is a charm. He's not getting away like he did the last 2 times, plus he's already proven himself w/o me having to pry it out of him *cough*

And I've been promised something by the end of summer...now let's just sit back and see if it all pans out FINALLY. Like mama said, don't force true love. So we'll see if this is once and for all "meant to be."

I'm done. Frustrated and tired haha.

Thanks for reading, love you*

Here's a man that isn't anything like the above mentioned. I'll take my heart back whenever you're willing to set it free? But better than that, just go ahead and keep it forever :)

Dedicated to a cure.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone?
_________________________________________________________

Yesterday was the Relay for Life sponsored by the American Cancer Society. I walked 8 laps, 2 laps for 4 families. I walked for my last name because I survived cancer and my pappy lost his battle. I walked for the Fields family because of my grandma and others on her side of the family; my grandma won the battle against breast cancer. I walked for Bailey, Barb also won the battle against breast cancer. And I walked for the Cooks. Adam is currently fighting brain cancer.

This blog is 100% dedicated to those who have fought cancer, those fighting it currently, those who know a survivor, or those who know someone who lost the battle. This is the most meaningful blog I'll probably EVER write.

This was wrriten by an unknown author:

"Relay for Life is an overnight event because "cancer never sleeps." Relay for Life starts at dusk and ends in the early morning hours of the following day. The light and darkness of the day and night parallel the physical efforts, emotions, and mental state of a cancer patient while undergoing treatment.

The relay begins when the sun is setting as this symbolizes the time that the person has been diagnosed with cancer. As the evening gets darker, this represents the cancer patient's state of mind as they feel that life is coming to an end. The evening gets cooler and darker, just as the emotions of the cancer patient do. The time between 1am and 2am represents the time when a cancer patient starts treatments. They become exhausted, sometimes sick, not wanting to go on and often times wanting to give up. During these hours in a Relay, participants feel much the same way while walking, but they cannot stor or give up, just as the cancer patient does not stop or give up. Between 4am and 5am represents the time that the treatment comes to an end. Once again they are tired and weak, but they hope they will make it. The sun rising represents the end of treatment for the cancer patient. The morning light brings the new day full of hope of being cured. So do the participants of the Relay, feel the brightness of the morning and know that the end of the Relay is close at hand. When the participants leave the Relay, they can think of the cancer patients leaving their last treatment, and just as the participants are exhausted and weak, so is the cancer patient. But remember; never give up on the hope that one day with everyone's help, there will be a cure."
_____________________________________

"When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopended gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over."
-Unknown.
___________________________________

"Have you evere watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask, "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last."
-Unknown
________________________________________

St. John's Lutheran Church [my goup] "Why We Relay"

"Our Relay for Life team consists of women and men, young and elder.

We each have different occupations and interests.

Some of us are tall and others are short.

In spite of our differences, we all have one thing in common- Cancer.

Every one of us has been directly affected with Cancer.

Maybe it was our wife or husband;

Our mother or father, a favorite relative,

Or maybe it is...our self.

Since we all share an experience with cancer, we have a common bond.

Because we have a common bond- we gather at the Relay for Life every year to join others in the fight against Cancer. By being a part of the Relay, we get a chance to give, and to receieve- love and support for survivors and their families. We remember those who have lost the battle to cancer- we shall never forget.

We give our monetary contributions so that we can continue the fight and someday Find The Cure! What an awesome way to spend 18 hours!"
_____________________________________________

"The more you give, the more you get-
The more you laugh, the less you fret-
The more you do UNSELFISHLY,
The more you live ABUNDANTLY...

The more of everything you share,
The more you'll always have to spare-
The more you love, the more you'll find
That life is good and freiends are kind...

For only what we give away,
Enriches us from day to day."
-Helen Steiner Rice
_______________________________________

Dear God, Thank you for giving me a second chance at life. For giving me the compassion to help others and the strength to carry on in your good faith. I pray to never disappoint you, but merely to please you and teach your children the way of your love. I'll extend my hand to them and God I ask in your name that you give them the strength to reach out and take it. Thank you for the opportunity to change the world. My work has just begun. Amen.

Yes, I wrote that prayer. Its an RP original. DON'T STEAL.

it stormed right before but the sunset was still beautiful :)


the candles lined the track...

Written with candles

And again...

I won the battle against:

Love me when I'm gone

There's another world inside of me that you may never see. There's secrets in this life that I can't hide. Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find. Maybe it's too far away...maybe I'm just blind.

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, hold me when I'm scared, and love me when I'm gone. Everything I am, and everything in me, wants to be the one ou wanted me to be. I'll never let you down, even if I could. I'd give up everything, if only for your good. So hold me when I'm here, love me when I'm wrong, you can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there, so love me when I'm gone.

When your education x-ray, can not see under my skin. I won't tell you a damn thing, that I could not tell my friends. Roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone, part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.

So where do I start this?

Yesterday was different. Different is the only word I can think of at quarter after 1 in the morning :)

Um, found out some heartbreaking news. I guess in a way, it still hasn't hit me yet. It hasn't hit me that he's going to be gone for the rest of my life and that I will more than likely NEVER see him again. It'd be one freaky occurence if our paths ever crossed again. So what do I do? Make the best with the time I have left and pray to God it's just talk and that he doesn't go through with it. If it happens tho, then idk what I'll think. Because just like that *snaps finger* he'll be permanently gone and snatched up from my life.

I would go into detail but its not my business to publically display, plus I don't think he'd appreciate it since I didn't ask permission...

I got my hair done :) I likes. I know I didn't say anything about it before because I kinda wanted it to be like a "Oh wow, you got your hair done" kind of deal. Red highlights to be exact. Ok, red violet highlights. Nothing extreme, just what I've been wanting for a few. I would have much rather have died it black first, but we'll do that another time :)

Last night was hilar. Hung out with my best and Brad. Too friggen funny. All we did was laugh at dumb stuff, tell ridiculous jokes, and poke fun at eachother. It only lasted for like 2 hrs but it felt so good to just be happy for the entire time, you know? The world disappeared and we were all lost in laughter and POSITIVE thoughts.

Sooooooo today. Worked [nothing new]. Got some appreciated compliments on my hair, one which COMPLETELY made my day :) Then hung with Ashiepoo this evening. Starbucks is actually the reason I'm here right now, haha. I'm hopped up on the Q. Dane Cook much? LOVE HIM. That was off topic...

Tomorrow is the Relay For Life walk. It's a cancer walk that the American Cancer Society puts on. They happen all over the US so my grandma, me, and Barb are all going. All of us cancer survivors, which makes the walk that much more meaningful. Plus the stories that other survivors have to offer are always tear jerkers and life changers :)

Then Sunday the hospital is doing their 30th Anniversary celebration and they're having FREE hot air balloon rides! Definitely on my list of things to do in life. So Kayla said she'd be my date and do it with me. I can always count on her to do daredevil stuff. I suppose that's why she be my best? Cuz we contrast eachother. She likes to say that we really are sisters, God just knew our parents couldn't handle us under the same roof :) hahaha.

I'm excited. I hope its an actual hot air balloon ride and not just one of those "go up in the air and come right back down" deals. We'll see.

34 days til Europe. La di da di di. The days are getting shorter. I'm s.t.o.k.e.d.

That's all I have to say right now. Starbucks is about to run down my leg so I suppose I should use the potty :) because I know you care so much to know that!!

Love you, thanks for reading.

Before:


After:

Size matters

Someday she wants a big ol' house, sittin' on a big ol' hill. And a mile long tree lined driveway, for her big ol' Coupe deVille. Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank account, with too much to spend, but right now all she wants is a man.

With a big ol' heart who can love her like nobody can. Big ol' kisses that go on and on and never end. With a big ol' smile he'll fill her world with laughter...size matters.

Someday she wants a big ol' ring, with a big ol' rock that shines. And a big ol' walk-in closet, with shoes of every kind. Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat, she can lay around gettin' a tan, but right now all she wants is a man.

With a big ol' heart who can love her like nobody can. Big ol' kisses that go on and on and never end. With a big ol' smile he'll fill her world with laughter...size matters.


Is that song not adorable? And don't get the wrong idea, in no way shape or form am I on a manhunt right now. I've just been in a really romantic mood lately and all these cute songs keep coming on the radio. I fer sure don't need a man to be happy.

If it happens then great....if it doesn't then that's great too, I can wait :)

Anway, found this funny quote I'd care to share:

"Shit happens. Mainly to me, so don't worry."

Story of my mf'ing life.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

If it's going to happen I can guarantee you, IT'LL HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE. Out of all the sensible results one could possibly get, I would receive the most OUT THERE.

For example: You know those scooter like things? *thinks of a better way to describe it* the skateboard things with handlebars? Yeah, those. So in 6th grade my friend and I were riding down a HUGE hill on those [which obviously wasn't a good decision in the first place]. Well for a moment in time I somehow forgot how to stop it so instead of using that thing in my skull called a brain, I just decided to abort the mission. Yeah, thats right, I jumped off. ON THE FUCKING HILL. It was practically a tuck and roll kind of deal. Practically? Who am I kidding, that's exactly what it was. I rolled about 5 times down the remainder of the hill. At this point all I could do was curl up in a ball and laugh. I laughed so hard no sounds were even coming out which is what turned my friend's laughter into concern. She told me she'd quit laughing if I was crying but since I couldn't speak I just rolled over and then she joined me in laughing since I obviously thought it was hysterical.

Or how about the time two people decide to knock on someone's window in the middle of the night and the window BREAKS??? Cuz that's the best case scenario.

Or the time we're sledding backwards down a hill and we run into a pole? That left a big pain literally in the ass for about 2 weeks.

But then there's that time where I decided to stick my finger into a car lighter. What a genius move that turned out to be.

And for some reason at the time I thought drinking half a bottle of Tobasco sauce for a dare wasn't really all that bad. It wasn't until I lost my voice for 3 days that I decided it was not a carefully thought through idea.

I'm really not making myself look like Einstein, am I? But it just goes to show you that I've lived one of the funniest lives. However, I am thankful to have had all this shit happen to me because I'll have great stories to tell my family when I'm older.

There's so many more I don't even have enough time or space to get into it. You just learn to laugh it all off. If you don't have a sense of humor then you might as well just give up. Life is so not worth it if you don't laugh.

Next subject: In 37 days I'll be IN Europe. Wowness. I'm expanding my travelling pants internationally! A world traveller at age 18. I'm so damn blessed and thankful. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my life? Cuz I doooooo.

*pauses* Thank you God. Thank you for everything God. Please give me the strength to continue in a positive path toward my goals. Amen.

Now back to regular programming. I was just enlightened and had to type that before I lost the feeling.

Yesterday was the most mellow I've ever been in my life. I didn't even want to get on the computer. I just curled up with a cup of coffee and stared out the window. It was so peaceful. Serene.

The mood lasted for about an hour and then it was gone. I can't really put into words how I felt except by using the word mellow. It was a nice get away from the day. Just a little hour spent in another world :)

This blog is becoming pointless so I'll wrap it up.

Love you and thanks for reading.

This sums it up just about :)

If you want to know the truth

You make or break my day. If you want to know the truth, I wouldn't have it any other way.

David Cook has completely stolen my heart. I'm captivated. Its absolutely crazy. Why is it that when I dream up a perfect guy, he ends up being famous? Cuz the chances of that relationship EVER happeneing is slim to none, haha.

I sound crazy, maybe I am, or maybe you just don't understand? Either way, it doesn't really matter :)

Speaking of David Cook, Happy 21st Birthday to Andrew Cook!! Woo

I already know how I'm spending my 21st. It's going to be uh-mazing to say the least.

Hi Viki. How are you? How is life in Salt Lake City? Life here is boring, don't ever move here, you'll hate it haha. I told you I would dedicate this blog to you. Not really sure how interested you are in what this blog might be about, but its for you so enjoy :)

So where shall I start since its been practically a week since I've blogged??

K so, I don't remember much of last week therefore we shall focus on the weekend.

Friday was nothing, haha. Just texted a bunch of people all night since I wasn't "allowed" to go anywhere... Saturday I went to Columbus and stayed with my sister. She's a pool monitor for the pool in her complex. I got a decent tan I suppose? Nothing extravagant but we'll talk more about tanning in a bit :) People watching, is a sport within itself. It was fun just sitting there watching all the kids play and all the people who just came to soak up the rays. There was this one little girl that looked and sounded EXACTLY like Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Only my sister can attest to this being true hahahahhaa. And I'm not being mean or making fun of her cuz I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I just wanted to take her home with me she was so adorable. Everytime she talked I almost peed myself cuz it was funny but precious at the same time. After a long day in the sun we ended the evening with Sonic and the movie, The Perfect Man. I'm such a damn sap for romance movies. I don't know if maybe I'm still holding on to the slight chance that maybe something like that will happen to me? Wishful thinking. Nope. I'm just a hopeless...helpless romantic :)

Sunday was Father's Day and our family reunion. I'm so glad my sister got to come. I really think the 24 hrs spent with my sister was the most personal we've ever gotten in my 18 years of life. I think in the end it brought us so much closer. I love my sister to death and I'm so glad that she's a part of the important years of my life. The family reunion went well, nothing too awesome but yet nothing too boring.

So now after all the "I can't say anything just yet" and "we'll get to that later" well, its later. My mom and I bought my dad a swimming pool for Father's Day. My sister and I bought him some toys for the pool too haha, funny stuff. He's excited but I don't think he'd say he was even if you paid him haha. My dad is just like that. He doesn't think I notice, but I know him a lot better than he'd ever believe. Truly. So to say the least, I'm freaking stoked to get this pool and get my tan on. I'm going to be an African American by the time college rolls around.

Gosh what else is there to talk about? Wanna talk about romance? What's your favorite romance movie? Mine? The Notebook of course. I mean, its just that forbidden fruit meant to be kind of thing. Soul mates. Speaking of which, What Dreams May Come is a beautiful movie. It's all about soul mates and words can't even describe it, you just have to watch it for yourself. 27 Dresses is adorable. Oh goodness, I love it. I just love James Marsden and that movie is so damn cute I think I about bit my tounge off haha. Maid of Honor...SEE IT. I love me some McDreamy but even more than that? I love the best friend turned into lover deal. That's cute. The Wedding Singer, adorable. On the same note, 50 First Dates has my heart. The Perfect Man was a good one just because I think that there is such thing as a "perfect man." Except that he's only perfect to/for you and no one else :) There's a beauty in people that sometimes, no one else notices, but we call that fate. Destiny. God's plan.

*sighs* now I'm getting all caught up in romantic thoughts and dreams. I wanna grow old with someone. I want someone to completely lose themself in me. I want to be wrapped around someone's finger. I want to cuddle. I want to laugh.

I WANT THE PERFECT MAN. He's got to be handsome, charming, funny, family oriented, but above all, he has to slow dance with me :) You know that song, "Dance with somebody?" Yes, that. That's what I want. I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. With somebody who loves me. He doesn't have to be a good dancer in any other sense, HELL he doesn't even have to be good at slow dancing, just as long as he does it.

Romance. Above anything else in the world, I want a storybook romance. If I could have that, I wouldn't need anything. If I had that kind of love, THATS ALL I WOULD NEED, until the end of time.

If you believe it or not, love will keep us alive. Love makes the world go around. Love endures all things. Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us, but above all, the greatest is LOVE.

Love you*

You may not know it now

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this.

We need an uplifting blog compared to the last :)

1st off I would just like to say I'm ecstatic for two things that are going to happen. First one I can't get my hopes up until I know the ticket is bought *cough* and second, I can't say just yet because I don't know what family members read this and if I say, then it'll ruin one of the best surprises for someone.

The second thing I'll be able to tell you about next week. Hopefully Monday :) so just hold your horses then. I mean if you individually wanna know, then email or text and I can tell you.

Just know that more good things are in the future. This is hopefully going to turn out to be the best year of my life. Which was my New Years resolution, jsyk.

Kk, so I found this in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago, it's titled: "Golden words and loving advice for Class of 08'" Written by Julie Olmsted. [I'm quoting all of this w/o the quotations]

The Golden Rule: Kindness will never be outmoded. Gentleness is a dissappearing trait in our culture, but its importance and power are little understood or appreciated. Common courtesy and consideration of others will take you far and cover a multitude of sins when you find yourself in the occasional hot water that you will inevitably get into.

The Golden Circle: Stay connected with those who accept, support and bless you: your faith community, your family and true friends. You are not alone and were not meant to be. What you take so for granted now will grow precious through the years. Keep in touch. Express your appreciation.

The Golden Key: Take responsibility for your actions. Lay claim to the wonderful words of Desiderata: "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here." But you cannot reconcile this mantle to yourself until and unless you accept responsibility for yourself and the choices you make. You may have had a hard life, one with minimal support and/or guidance, but you must now seek those things on your own and with integrity, set the course for your destiny.

AGREED, I'LL SECOND THAT. The most honest, down-right perfect words I've read thus far. What amazing advice, eh? And, might I add, not just for the use of those graduating, but for anyone and everyone wanting to change their life. Wisdom, inspiration, and insight are such nice things to possess :)

Just a sidenote, our family reunion is this Sunday. I'm excited. It's at the same place every year on Father's Day. Plus, this year I get a 2 for 1 deal...my sister is coming :) I love spending time with her. I hope you're reading this Molls!!! Can't wait for Sunday.

And here's to all of you, my church sent it to me for Graduation. It's called, "A Prayer For You."

God bless you in the morning
with His presence shining bright,
And make your whole day happy
with His radiant love and light.
God bless you in the evening
when the daytime hours depart,
And like a benediction
leave His peace upon your heart.

Love you all, thanks for reading :)

Happy is kind of a funny word if you say it like 30 times in a row:

Hahaha, game over

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons, finally content with a past I regret. I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness. For once I'm at peace with myself. I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I'm movin' on. I've lived in this place and I know all the faces, each one is different but they're always the same. They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it, they'll never allow me to change. But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong, I'm movin' on. I'm movin' on, at last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me. And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life, when all you can see are the years passing by, and I have made up my mind that those days are gone. I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't, stopped to fill up on my way out of town. I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't, I had to lose everything to find out. Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road, I'm movin' on.

I hope the above song inspires some certain people as much as it has inspired me. This is the only song that has ever changed my life. I heard it one time, and from that point on, I knew I wanted to be a different person than I was.

Now on to the fun part....

Most of you won't know what this blog is about. Maybe only 5 people will? But that's ok with me because people were publically displaying lies just to make themselves look Heaven sent. And you know what? That's ok with me because God sees and knows everything. I have nothing to be ashamed of because all in all, I did nothing wrong. I think its super low for you to hate someone. There's never a reason to hate ANYONE. Sorry, thats just the way it is. My mom's totally right though, we bring on our own misery.

I think it's funny that you call me immature, yet you're blasting 4 people on a public blog. That makes you look mature, right? Most 25 year olds do that, right? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Never in my life have I met such a clueless and brainless individual. It's funny that everytime you commented what I said, YOU REPEATED MY PHILOSOPHIES. That doesn't make sense, and only made you look like a dumbass.

Thank you for what you said that was positive, but I can't say it was anything I didn't already know. I know me better than you THINK you do. You could right my autobiography though couldn't you?

Hypocrite. "Don't do this, don't do that. I'm not telling you how to run your life." That made perfectly good sense?

For someone that has so many degrees, you lack the common knowledge of most human beings. That might sound harsh but true.

You know what else is the truth? You were the one being played. It was all set up before hand and you had NO CLUE. In fact, the only intention of ever talking to you, was to get you to put your friends on blast. And what do ya know? You did a perfect job of that w/o my help!! Good job cupcake, you ruined your own life. When I was nice, I meant it, I never faked that, but did I want to build a relationship with you? NO, NOT EVER. What her and I have is 2 years strong, and you just think you can come in and break that? Dust yourself off and try again.

You want to blast me on a public blog? DITTO BITCH. You wanna try me? I do it 10x better.
You only made yourself look evil. None of us are, YOU ARE. Quit trying to pass the blame on someone else. You're right, karma's a bitch and its going to eat you alive sweetheart. Tell mommy and daddy I said hi. And have fun with that bad karma and with whatever you decide to do with your life. I'm glad you're not a part of mine anymore, because all you wanted to do while you were in it was destroy a perfect friendship. Sorry your mission failed. Go find someone else to pick on.

Don't plan on commenting either, my comments have to be approved and you are completely blocked from my life and if you wanna try me, I will call the police. Don't joke with me chick, you may be able to instill fear on others, but I'm not buying into your words, bitch I see right through you.

PEACE*

Sorry you all had to read that. This is completely out of the norm for me, but someone doesn't just put my friends and myself on blast and get away with it. I won't bite my tounge that hard, I do have a backbone and I will fight for myself. Thanks for the memories Tina, even though they weren't so great.

Hate all you want, you can't break the girl who thinks NOTHING of you.

Irresistible, is what you think you are. That's so typical. You think that you're a star. You act like everyone revolves around you. Baby you dropped the ball, and now the game is through.'Cause you tried to play both sides, you got caught up in your lies, and now you running, you're running out of time. Played yourself, or did ya, did ya think you could really find love from someone else? You're making moves, you're gonna lose. You know you played yourself, and now you're thinking, thinking you can get one by me. But you'll never win, you'll never win, try again, 'cause the game is over.But there's more, than the eye can see, you're so predictable the way you calculate each move, heads I win and tails you lose, because you don't have the right to choose.

Who are you to judge the life I live? I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But before you go pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean :)

We all have to bring out our mean sides to stick up for the people we love and care about, including ourselves. All those who are not involved in the situation, I hope you can understand that <33

These are my pics o' the day and they're pretty self-explainatory.

American girls and American guys

Will always stand up and salute, we'll always recognize, when we see Old Glory flying, there's a lot of men dead, so we can sleep in peace at night when we lay down our heads.

It's too bad not EVERYONE pays their respects. That always breaks my heart, how people live here and don't even love their country enough to respect it.

*in my Flava Flav voice* Woooooooooowwwww, nothing has been going on. I mean, I've gone out every night this week, but nothing worth noting? I've worked every day this week but nothing worth typing?

Real cool. Real FRIGGEN cool :)

What do you wanna talk about??? How about the economy? And how everything is so expensive that we're all gonna be living on the streets and walking to work? How about that?

Grr. I wanna be president LOL. We have so many natural resources we could be using YET we don't. Instead, we build factories, and sky scrapers, and houses. Things that help speed up Global Warming. Not a big deal though, right? *rolls eyes*

I swear, haha. You know what else sucks? When all the radio stations go on a commercial at the same time. That's bad marketing. And I would know, I had a 101.2% in marketing class. If you're the ONLY station that doesn't go on a commercial when everyone else does, then wouldn't that mean people would practically be forced to listen to your station? DUHHH.

1+1=2 people. Its not rocket science LOL And curse me for just comparing Global Warming to the radio hahahahaha.

You know what else peeves me? That people are criticizing Obama because of his last name? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. I've heard a handful of people literally say, "I'm not voting for Obama cuz his name is really close to Osama." Ok, people like that, don't deserve the right to vote. Only people with brains should be allowed to vote. THAT IS THE DUMBEST EXCUSE I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE. So now it's his fault that his last name is Obama? That he was born into the Obama family? Since when does your last name classify you as a terrorist?

People are dumb. Fucking DUMB. Ew it makes me mad. And we won't even go into the whole, "I'm not voting for him cuz he's black" crap. People like that shouldn't even waste their time voting because their opinion is not useful to the good of our nation.

Screw you. Vote for the best candidate, not who has the best hair. This is not a high school ballot, this is who is going to run our country. If I do recall, John McCain said he backs Bush 100%. So then you look at statistics that say Bush is the worst president in history. Yeah McCain, that's exactly who I'd back up. THE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY. Even some Republicans hate him, that was a dumb move on your part old man.

And quit criticizing Hilary because of who she's married to. When Clinton went out of office, they ranked his presidency 85% positive. Wanna know how positive George Dub Yuh is??? try 27%. Yeah, that's great. Plus, who has helped in rebuilding the thousands of homes Hurricane Katrina destroyed? Um, how about Bill Clinton. Yeah Bush did go, but he didn't do anything to help. His suit must have been a rental so he couldn't get it dirty.

The best president we could of had was assassinated and the worst president we've had has put us into a recession and at war with the world.

Haha, this was the most random blog of my life. But can't you see all the negativity and stupidity that is in this world? ITS CRAZY.

I'm done. You probably don't care anyway. And if you do, you'll probably just argue with me haha, isn't that the way the cookie crumbles???

Love you*

Does anyone TRULY 100% care about the USA? :'(

The thunder rolls and the lightning strikes

When the sun shine, we'll shine together, told you I'll be here forever, said I'd always be your friend, took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end. Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other, you can stand under my umbrella, you can stand under my umbrella. These fancy things, will never come in between, you're part of my entity, here for infinity. When the world has took it's part, when the world has dealt it's cards, if your hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart.

Ok so since the weather, I had to theme my blog. LAME, I know, but it is what it is. Anyway, the lyrics are for Jodie. I think if she actually reads between the lines, it'll all come together :) Love you boo.

I really wish it would quit storming. I am terrified of storms. Someone hold me please? Try David Cook, he's used to Midwest storms, right???!!!! But where is he when I need him? Damn my life.

Want me to put this into perspective for you? My grandma doesn't have a very big yard, let's say like 50 steps, and 15 if you run :) anyway, a small yard. I got out of my car and RAN to the door, and just within that time frame there were 11 strikes of lightning. Just in that short amount of time. Shit homes.

Have you ever just woke up with a feeling? Not a good one either. The day went amazing up until I left for work. But from the moment I woke up that morning I felt weird. I just had a bad feeling all day and was prepared to have a bad day. I just KNEW something was going to happen. Call me psychic, but my feeling came true.

I was a half hour late to work because of a God awful accident. A trash truck drove over a car. Killed one and the other was care flighted to the hospital. If I were to guess, I'd say there were 25 police, fire, and ambulances. If I'm guessing...but there was probably more :( it just gave me chills and was definitely something I could have gone without seeing.

This lightning is getting on my nerves. My eyes keep lighting up. DAMN IT.

Then, I get to work and Beth is on her way out, leaving me to the office by myself. Before she left she told me that the restaurant next door was robbed at gun point on Friday. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Thats awful, and not to mention WE WERE OPEN WHEN IT HAPPENED. So she leaves and locks me in and kid you not, 5 minutes later, shit goes down. A guy comes to the door and shows me a check. I was kinda cautious cuz I was on edge at this point, but for some odd reason I trusted him and let him in. Well, when I did this African American followed him in and sat down. At first I thought they were together cuz he just like sat down? But when Jim [the patient's name] kinda looked at him and me like, "wtf is going on?" I knewwwwwww something was up. So I asked the guy if there was anything I could do for him and he demanded to see the doctor. I apologized and told him he wasn't available at the moment and he got upset and started yelling so I asked him to leave. Well then OF COURSE, he threw the race card and told me I wouldn't let him see the doctor cuz he was black and blah blah blah. I ended up asking him to leave 3 times and even Jim told him to leave and FINALLY he left. Then he got on his bike and circled by the office 3 times before riding off. I called the doctor to get there ASAP and so he did. When he came in he said he saw 2 black guys sitting in a car by the office and when he unlocked the door they drove off like they had gotten caught. Long story short: I had to call the cops. The cops came, interviewed me, I was shook up the rest of the night but now its over.

What scared me the most was that it was like this guy saw Beth lock the door when she left and he WAITED for someone to come up and for me to unlock it. AND THEN, they sat there hoping maybe someone defenseless, as in a small woman, would come up and then they could get us both. When they saw Dr D they scrammed so it was definitely because of his figure.

Scurry stuff.

Then we had a tornado warning. I've lived in this town for 18 years and we've only had 3. This is obviously a rare freaking occasion. So that freaked me out even more.

I need a massage I'm so worked up, just within 8 hours hahahahaha. Oh well I guess. Now I have to tough it out and sleep through the storms. This ought to be FUNNN, seeing as how I hate them.

Oh and I got to see someone today that absolutely made my day. Its a long story not meant for a public blog, but lets just say He gave me a chance the past 2 summers and I didn't take them, however, this summer, I might just pull the shock card and take Him up on His offer. He's pretty. And makes me smile. Cross your fingers for me???

Love you, thanks for reading*

Sticking with the theme of the night for pics haha

I used to love this movie and actually wanted to be a storm chaser:

I love Paris and thought this pic was cooooooool:

You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand, when you're up on top of that mountain. But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up, and see who's around then. You find out who you're friends are. Somebody's gonna drop everything. Run out and crank up their car, hit the gas get there fast. Never stop to think 'what's in it for me' or 'it's way too far'. They just show on up with their big old heart.


Thanks to everyone who was there for me the week before and all the way up through graduation. I appreciate everyone of you who took time out of your lives to think about me on the most important day of my life. It means the world to me, truly.

So it's over? Just like that? Um, what now....this is strange. Haha, strange in an ok way though.

It hasn't sunk in yet. That I graduated, I mean. It'll run up and bite me in the ass one of these days and then I'll break down in tears.

Not one single tear yesterday. WTF? I think my nerves were too spastic to even think what was going on. I just took direction, walked up on stage in front of hundreds of people, got that diploma, then walked back to my seat. Turned my tassel. Threw my hat. Took the pictures. Had the party. Went to bed.

Where in there was I SUPPOSED to have a break down? Haha, I didn't have time to cry, even if I wanted to. But the funny thing is, I didn't want to? I had like 10 people text me the night before grad and say all these things that made me cry, but the day OF, I was fine. Just laid back and got it over with.

Is this normal? Everyone I asked said they didn't cry either, so maybe I'm halfway sane :)

And then just to add to the stress, I went on TV last night to present my check to Children's Miracle Network, idk if I said this before but I raised $2,000!!!!!!!!!! I made my goal, wooo, that's always nice, to set goals and achieve them. So far that's the story of my life.

After I was interviewed I started to walk away and they asked me to come back and supposedly when I walked away, one of the crew members was like, "And she's cute too" so they wanted to tell me. Aw shucks *blushes* he was probably 65 or something HAHA

Blah I have a headache. Probably because I don't have anything to think about and my brain is like, "what's going on sweets?" :) A weight has been lifted tho, and it's so nice. I have no worries for at least another month and half which is when I have to pack, go to the Idols tour, and then leave the country.

I like the sound of that. David Cook and Italy all within a week's time. Very nice.

I don't think I have anything else to say at the moment, did I say enough? Whatever, enough for my fingers to type at the moment.

Thanks for reading this, love you all*

Some grad pics, the rest are on the myspace.