Wanted: Dead or Alive

Do you dream, that the world will know your name? So tell me your name. Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all? I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel. I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive.

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know. If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go. Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon. Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

Do you believe, in the day that you were born? Tell me do you believe? And do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life?

This is to one last day in the shadows. And to know a brother's love. This is to New York City angels. And the rivers of our blood. This is to all of us, to all of us.

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies. And show me where you run to, when no-one's left to take your side. But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know.
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Those lyrics pretty much sum up this summer. "Dont tell me where the road ends, cuz I just dont wanna know." AMEN.

ok hiiii...I owe some people an update, eh? I have people reading this that I didnt know were reading so my apologies in the delay of updates! Woo

So um yeah. Its been a while hahaha

The week of the 13-17 Jodie came and saw me :) She is from KC, MO and she flew all the way out to boring Ohio to see me. It was an amazing trip to say the least. The word amazing does it no justice but its all I can muster at the moment because I know I have a lot to write. I'll eventually make an album of our pics and post them, so watch for those! There's way too many to put into a single post. You know what kind of scares me? Let me set this up for you, Jodie and I met in 2005 on a Justin Timberlake forum. It wasn't a spectacular friendship at first because we only really chatted back and forth to eachother's posts. I can't exactly tell you what moment in time changed it all. I do remember, however, that Jodie was the one that sparked the fire. We had gotten closer and talked deeper online and we finally decided to meet. She said that her and her bff Jenn would drive out to the Columbus show of Future Sex Love Show. The meeting was great but only lasted less than 24 hrs. After that we got even closer...I think we've talked EVERY DAY since December of 06. And if we've missed a few days its only been accidentally and beyond our control. So a little talking led to a little planning which led to a little flight to Ohio this year. We are closer than we have EVER been. She knows things about me that I'm ashamed to tell others and vice versa. We both have a lot of blackmail on eachother LMAO that we'll never use :) we had talked before about how we both want to live in LA. She's a singer who's changing record labels and starting her own studio, and I've just always wanted to live in LA because its like calling me or something, who knows. Well after summing up a 3 year [online] friendship into little words, and after only meeting her 2 times in those 3 years, I can honestly say I would love to live with her. Not would, but COULD. Thats a big deal for me. I dont believe I'd be the easiest person to live with...ofc not the hardest either, however, she puts all the bullshit aside and is real with me. I never have to guess if she feels the same friendship or cares as much as I do because she proves it. Talk is talk, everyone can do it, but the people that talk the talk AND walk the walk are the people I turn to. I love that about her and she's gonna go crazy when she reads this blog LMAO cuz she had no idea I was gonna write that...hell, neither did I until it just started coming out. Jodie and I share a connection that no one will ever understand. We have EXACT same views on some things [7th Heaven]. I just can't describe it. That's best friends though right? I spend every day with my best friends, Kayla, Ashley, and Jodie, even if she is miles and miles away.

Ok, moving on, I have a lot to write and I'm scatterbrain right now.

So I went to Phoenix last week! I loveeeeeeeeee it there, I'd recommend it to anyone. Everything is so clean, even their downtowns and "ghettos." Did you know Phoenix is the size of the state CT? Yeah, stick that in your juice box and suck it. Craziness. The whole reason we went was for the American Legion National Convention. Not sure if you know what the AL is? Well, in short, its the worlds LARGEST veterans organization that does numerous volunteer activities for things, and their main focus is usually on veterans [the past] and children [the future]. Its obviously a partriotic organization, being founded off of veterans. You probably wouldn't believe how patriotic I am, in fact. For example...Does it bother you when people dont take their hat off during the National Anthem? Or how about when they dont put their hand over their heart? Try not standing when the American Flag passes? Or theres always not knowing the words to the National Anthem? Yeah, all those things? BOTHER ME. Theres a million and 11 more but we dont need to go there :) back to convention...so we were there for the National Convention. They have Junior meetings where all girls ages 8-18 get together for their own meeting. This year we did a volunteer project for "Operation Military Kids." Its a program where kids with parents currently deployed get together and do fun activities. They told us some of their stories which are remarkably touching, like how they've only seen their dad twice since he was deployed a year and a half ago. *tear* they range from all ages too, little itty bitty kids, to teens entering high school and college. It was a heartwarming experience to play games with them, make crafts to send their parents, and just sit with them and offer a lending ear. I might add that the $2,000 I raised for Childrens Miracle Network [helps families of kids with cancer] was through the American Legion and even better news? THEY RAISED $3,000 MORE IN MY NAME FOR OUR LOCAL CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL! I almost cried when I saw the number $5,000. I am so proud to be a part of this organization and I hope one day it gets the recognition it deserves and more people know who we are and what we are doing for our country and fellow man :)

I also have cousins that live in Phoenix. My cousin April and her husband Steve and 4 kids. Aww it was wonderful. They always say little kids brigthen up the gloomiest days and its so true. Kids are just easy to please. I mean one minute their mad cuz you wont let them play with your cell phone to the next minute they're laughing hysterically on the floor because they're crazy tickilish. I love my family and I am so ecstatic to have spent the week with them. Sammy is 8 and she's always been my girl. Every time she left the room she'd say, "I love you Rachel." I died a little, it was the cutest thing ever. Hailee is 6 and she's crazy!!! We did a few piggy back rides and about 20 rounds of Go Fish. Each night I helped the girls with their homework. April needs a break so I was glad to take over the roll of mom for a few days. Speaking of which, Isabella is 2 and she called me mom about a dozen times haha. Every time she would I'd yell "I'm not your mom" and she'd just look at me and giggle. I adore her, she is just the most precious kid I've seen in a LONG time...she should've came with me :( and my lil man Michael is 3 months! YAY he's amazing. Really, hes one of the best babies, April is SOOO lucky. He has the biggest eyes and the cutest laugh. He like coughs when he laughs, I wish I could've got it on video!! She's going to send me all the pics we took so I'll post those up as soon as I get them :)

Now we are in Daytona Beach, FL. *sighs* the weather sucks at the moment. Hurricane Asshole is to blame. And there's supposed to be another one brewing. Her name is Hannah or something. Who fucking cares, just dont come here! LMAO

Is this long enough? Haha...I owed it to you all I suppose. If anyone is still reading that is! I need to get off though, the air is blowing right on me and I'm about to freeze to death! I'll try to blog again this week...I wont say promise cuz I hate to break promises so I'll just say TRY REALLY HARD!

Thanks for reading, love youuuuu*